Merry Christmas to all.
I know that i have kept you waiting longer than i planned and had mentioned. I am sorry for that. I have been trying to deal with thee frustration and confusion. As far as results go, we don't really know much. There was good and bad and we are still in waiting. In order to understand the bad, you need to know the good. The good was that the blood results showed no new changes in high or low marks.
Bad news, the ct scan showed a spot on my remaining ovary that they believe is a cyst. Because of that, they requested a ultra sound that day to get a better look at it. When doing the test, the lady doing it sat down showing me different things in the image. It appeared that there where two spots instead of one.
I'm a little worried because last time everything started it appeared that it was just a cyst as well and that that just needed to be removed to change the hormone levels. So with everything going the way it is, i am worried it has come back. Meanwhile, i am still in pain as i anxiously await answers that will change my life potentially.
Our trip....
I was in the car for like 30 hours and started getting car sick very little though. Then when we started going to bed that night, i really started not feeling well. Middle of the night i woke up three different times and upchucked my stomach contents. It's been off and on the whole trip. Talk soon with results and more details.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
6:30 a.m. Drink
It looks like milk and smells like fruit juice with an unidentifiable flavor, the taste however is....undesirable.
Thick, smooth, cotton ball texture forcing itself down your throat as your body knows it's not normal. Chalky flavor and going down your throat coating it like a film. Your body gagging and wanting to remove this foreign item by throwing up.
6:00 A.M. the alarm blares... it's time to get up.
Remove the sheets from covering your body. The cold air is like a bite. Stumbling through the darkness not to wake anyone else, walk toward the fridge. Door opens and a blinding light shines on. There is that white bottle of drink. Grab, twist the cap off, remove the plastic cover seal. Drink, gulp, and cringe. Walk back to bed with the cold drink in hand.
6:30 A.M. Sitting in bed, gulp after gulp. Gasping to breath and get something else down your throat other than this chalky fluid. Half way there, gotta keep going. The thoughts of "chug, chug, chug, chug" pounding in my head just to get it over. Body sick and tightening up. All thoughts turn to throwing up just to get this drink out. But, NO. The drink needs to be all inside you. Flowing through your body so that you can get to the bottom of what's going on.
7:00A.M. Done, hit that level where if I drink much more, a mess will result in the sheets and an unhappy husband will be there as well. Hit the point where I got the majority down and decided more sleep until it's time to go.
8:00A.M. Alarm blaring again... it's time to get up!
Roll over, cover up, and start to drift back to sleep... "no it's time to get up" a voice says in the distant background. It's the self conscious you, telling you that it's time to go. Walk out the door and drive down the road. Pull in, walk in. The woman at the desk so eager and excited to get her day started, annoys you because of sleep deprivation. "I need your license and insurance please. Fill these five pages for me that all state the same thing and we will call you in when you are done."
8:30 A.M. "JANE DOE!" echoes from a hallway behind you where a man is standing with a big smile. Stand up, slowly walk over, completely knowing what to expect and knowing what will come next. Soon lying on the cold, narrow table, the iv goes in. Alignment starts and the table begins to move through the hole in the wall. You hear the swift rotation of the scanner as it scans your body for malfunctions and imperfections within the body that the eye can't see. Contrast has been administered now and a hot sensation flows through your body. Light headed and suddenly feeling the urge to wet yourself, the scan starts again and the swoosh, thump... swoosh, thump goes again as the scanner is rotating around again for a third time. A voice comes over the speaker next to your head that startles you and makes you jump a little, "Breath in and hold" 18 seconds later "Breath". After the three scans are done the smiling man who was in the door way comes in and removes the iv. "You are all done, how did it feel?" Creating small talk when all you really want is to get out of there and eat something since you have been starved for over 12 hours.
This week we are in the process of doing my medical check ups to make sure that cancer is still not overpowering my feeble body. Blood work was done yesterday with incompetent young women who were more interested in their conversation than making sure they poked me correctly to get the blood they needed. I walked out with a bruised arm that was VERY sore all night long. We wait now. Tuesday we will be meeting with another doctor who I feel isn't taking my situation seriously, to go over the anticipated results of my tests. A common fear with each check up is that the cancer has returned and with recent pains and concerns with changes, this fear is magnified. Please keep a prayer in your heart that these doctors looking over my results will see any imperfections and malfunctions that may even give the slightest hint to a return situation. If we catch it now, the results look brighter than if it goes unnoticed.
Thanks for all the love and support with this and updates will be posted next week. Please check back then for the answers.
Thick, smooth, cotton ball texture forcing itself down your throat as your body knows it's not normal. Chalky flavor and going down your throat coating it like a film. Your body gagging and wanting to remove this foreign item by throwing up.
6:00 A.M. the alarm blares... it's time to get up.
Remove the sheets from covering your body. The cold air is like a bite. Stumbling through the darkness not to wake anyone else, walk toward the fridge. Door opens and a blinding light shines on. There is that white bottle of drink. Grab, twist the cap off, remove the plastic cover seal. Drink, gulp, and cringe. Walk back to bed with the cold drink in hand.
6:30 A.M. Sitting in bed, gulp after gulp. Gasping to breath and get something else down your throat other than this chalky fluid. Half way there, gotta keep going. The thoughts of "chug, chug, chug, chug" pounding in my head just to get it over. Body sick and tightening up. All thoughts turn to throwing up just to get this drink out. But, NO. The drink needs to be all inside you. Flowing through your body so that you can get to the bottom of what's going on.
7:00A.M. Done, hit that level where if I drink much more, a mess will result in the sheets and an unhappy husband will be there as well. Hit the point where I got the majority down and decided more sleep until it's time to go.
8:00A.M. Alarm blaring again... it's time to get up!
Roll over, cover up, and start to drift back to sleep... "no it's time to get up" a voice says in the distant background. It's the self conscious you, telling you that it's time to go. Walk out the door and drive down the road. Pull in, walk in. The woman at the desk so eager and excited to get her day started, annoys you because of sleep deprivation. "I need your license and insurance please. Fill these five pages for me that all state the same thing and we will call you in when you are done."
8:30 A.M. "JANE DOE!" echoes from a hallway behind you where a man is standing with a big smile. Stand up, slowly walk over, completely knowing what to expect and knowing what will come next. Soon lying on the cold, narrow table, the iv goes in. Alignment starts and the table begins to move through the hole in the wall. You hear the swift rotation of the scanner as it scans your body for malfunctions and imperfections within the body that the eye can't see. Contrast has been administered now and a hot sensation flows through your body. Light headed and suddenly feeling the urge to wet yourself, the scan starts again and the swoosh, thump... swoosh, thump goes again as the scanner is rotating around again for a third time. A voice comes over the speaker next to your head that startles you and makes you jump a little, "Breath in and hold" 18 seconds later "Breath". After the three scans are done the smiling man who was in the door way comes in and removes the iv. "You are all done, how did it feel?" Creating small talk when all you really want is to get out of there and eat something since you have been starved for over 12 hours.
This week we are in the process of doing my medical check ups to make sure that cancer is still not overpowering my feeble body. Blood work was done yesterday with incompetent young women who were more interested in their conversation than making sure they poked me correctly to get the blood they needed. I walked out with a bruised arm that was VERY sore all night long. We wait now. Tuesday we will be meeting with another doctor who I feel isn't taking my situation seriously, to go over the anticipated results of my tests. A common fear with each check up is that the cancer has returned and with recent pains and concerns with changes, this fear is magnified. Please keep a prayer in your heart that these doctors looking over my results will see any imperfections and malfunctions that may even give the slightest hint to a return situation. If we catch it now, the results look brighter than if it goes unnoticed.
Thanks for all the love and support with this and updates will be posted next week. Please check back then for the answers.
Monday, December 3, 2012
White blankets
Tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink...
Drops of icy, cold, moisture falling on the rooftops and hitting the metal vents. Echoing down the pipes into the room. Frosty windows bordered by the proof the warmth is keeping you protected from that storm you are sitting there watching.
Slow and quiet rumble starts in the tin tea pot on the stove. The temperature rises and the whistle grows and yells Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
Time for the cup of hot chocoa.
Back on the fluffy couch covered with big blankets to watch out the window.
Tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink...
Rain falls and changes pace with the thickness of the clouds above. Neighbors running around to find cover as they wait for their little dogs to go to the bathroom. Cars swooshing as rain puddles fly above the car when turning the corner into the parking lot.
A big dark ominous cloud approaches and soon the rain drops turn to hail. White balls of ice falling from the sky at a fast pace. Bouncing off the window and ground surface.
Five minutes pass and the rain disperses. Sun and clear sky are swiftly approaching and a white blanket is left behind. The sun warms the ground and melts the hail that had fallen just moments ago. Wet ground, crisp air, puffy damp coats on the people who braved to go outside.
Another sip of my hot cocoa, oh wait, it's almost gone.
That warm, smooth, liquid flowing down my throat warming my soul.
Even a day full of homework creates a day to reconnect with things that bring peace and a calmness that relaxes the soul just a little big more.
This week has been filled with studying and projects. I have been working on four huge projects that i have been working on all semester. The stress of one of them is taking a toll in my day to day life. I am more frustrated and edgy because i feel overwhelmed and upset with the lack of concern from others in my group. I hold i high standard of people. When you say you are going to do something i fully expect you will do it. When deadlines come up and I am putting the book together, I am asking on a daily basis for the members to hand me in their part. Not much is required from them but to do one or two small assignments and email it. For a person who doesn't work and doesn't have much going on in her life, getting an assignment done would be possible. But the married's in the group are more on top of everything than this single woman is.
I have been thinking about my situations and i know i shouldn't complain. I realized though that it's not the most important thing. My relationships that are being affected from this stress are more important and if we don't get something in this project, we loose points and our grade drops. This is important, but letting my husband know i love him and making sure we can still connect and be at peace with each other is more important.
Even with all this stress going on that we both have, we are trying to remember to take time out of our day, each day, to just spend time with each other. We go to the hot tub, we cuddle on the couch, and we sit on the couch next to each other as we are both doing our homework.
I am so thankful for hubbs and so grateful that he is in my life and patient with me.
We are at the end of our semester and will be taking finals next week and have a week to wind down and relax until we travel to see our families for the holidays.
Hope you are all doing well and enjoying this season. Remember why we celebrate it and the most important things in your life. Share with us a tradition you have for the holidays that bring your family together and make everyone be closer.
Sweet days to come!
Soph.
Drops of icy, cold, moisture falling on the rooftops and hitting the metal vents. Echoing down the pipes into the room. Frosty windows bordered by the proof the warmth is keeping you protected from that storm you are sitting there watching.
Slow and quiet rumble starts in the tin tea pot on the stove. The temperature rises and the whistle grows and yells Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
Time for the cup of hot chocoa.
Back on the fluffy couch covered with big blankets to watch out the window.
Tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink...
Rain falls and changes pace with the thickness of the clouds above. Neighbors running around to find cover as they wait for their little dogs to go to the bathroom. Cars swooshing as rain puddles fly above the car when turning the corner into the parking lot.
A big dark ominous cloud approaches and soon the rain drops turn to hail. White balls of ice falling from the sky at a fast pace. Bouncing off the window and ground surface.
Five minutes pass and the rain disperses. Sun and clear sky are swiftly approaching and a white blanket is left behind. The sun warms the ground and melts the hail that had fallen just moments ago. Wet ground, crisp air, puffy damp coats on the people who braved to go outside.
Another sip of my hot cocoa, oh wait, it's almost gone.
That warm, smooth, liquid flowing down my throat warming my soul.
Even a day full of homework creates a day to reconnect with things that bring peace and a calmness that relaxes the soul just a little big more.
This week has been filled with studying and projects. I have been working on four huge projects that i have been working on all semester. The stress of one of them is taking a toll in my day to day life. I am more frustrated and edgy because i feel overwhelmed and upset with the lack of concern from others in my group. I hold i high standard of people. When you say you are going to do something i fully expect you will do it. When deadlines come up and I am putting the book together, I am asking on a daily basis for the members to hand me in their part. Not much is required from them but to do one or two small assignments and email it. For a person who doesn't work and doesn't have much going on in her life, getting an assignment done would be possible. But the married's in the group are more on top of everything than this single woman is.
I have been thinking about my situations and i know i shouldn't complain. I realized though that it's not the most important thing. My relationships that are being affected from this stress are more important and if we don't get something in this project, we loose points and our grade drops. This is important, but letting my husband know i love him and making sure we can still connect and be at peace with each other is more important.
Even with all this stress going on that we both have, we are trying to remember to take time out of our day, each day, to just spend time with each other. We go to the hot tub, we cuddle on the couch, and we sit on the couch next to each other as we are both doing our homework.
I am so thankful for hubbs and so grateful that he is in my life and patient with me.
We are at the end of our semester and will be taking finals next week and have a week to wind down and relax until we travel to see our families for the holidays.
Hope you are all doing well and enjoying this season. Remember why we celebrate it and the most important things in your life. Share with us a tradition you have for the holidays that bring your family together and make everyone be closer.
Sweet days to come!
Soph.
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