6:30 a.m. Drink

It looks like milk and smells like fruit juice with an unidentifiable flavor, the taste however is....undesirable.
Thick, smooth, cotton ball texture forcing itself down your throat as your body knows it's not normal. Chalky flavor and going down your throat coating it like a film. Your body gagging and wanting to remove this foreign item by throwing up.

6:00 A.M. the alarm blares... it's time to get up.
Remove the sheets from covering your body. The cold air is like a bite. Stumbling through the darkness not to wake anyone else, walk toward the fridge. Door opens and a blinding light shines on. There is that white bottle of drink. Grab, twist the cap off, remove the plastic cover seal. Drink, gulp, and cringe. Walk back to bed with the cold drink in hand.

6:30 A.M. Sitting in bed, gulp after gulp. Gasping to breath and get something else down your throat other than this chalky fluid. Half way there, gotta keep going. The thoughts of "chug, chug, chug, chug" pounding in my head just to get it over. Body sick and tightening up. All thoughts turn to throwing up just to get this drink out. But, NO. The drink needs to be all inside you. Flowing through your body so that you can get to the bottom of what's going on.

7:00A.M. Done, hit that level where if I drink much more, a mess will result in the sheets and an unhappy husband will be there as well. Hit the point where I got the majority down and decided more sleep until it's time to go.

8:00A.M. Alarm blaring again... it's time to get up!
Roll over, cover up, and start to drift back to sleep... "no it's time to get up" a voice says in the distant background. It's the self conscious you, telling you that it's time to go. Walk out the door and drive down the road. Pull in, walk in. The woman at the desk so eager and excited to get her day started, annoys you because of sleep deprivation. "I need your license and insurance please. Fill these five pages for me that all state the same thing and we will call you in when you are done."

8:30 A.M. "JANE DOE!" echoes from a hallway behind you where a man is standing with a big smile. Stand up, slowly walk over, completely knowing what to expect and knowing what will come next. Soon lying on the cold, narrow table, the iv goes in. Alignment starts and the table begins to  move through the hole in the wall. You hear the swift rotation of the scanner as it scans your body for malfunctions and imperfections within the body that the eye can't see. Contrast has been administered now and a hot sensation flows through your body. Light headed and suddenly feeling the urge to wet yourself, the scan starts again and the swoosh, thump... swoosh, thump goes again as the scanner is rotating around again for a third time. A voice comes over the speaker next to your head that startles you and makes you jump a little,  "Breath in and hold" 18 seconds later "Breath". After the three scans are done the smiling man who was in the door way comes in and removes the iv. "You are all done, how did it feel?" Creating small talk when all you really want is to get out of there and eat something since you have been starved for over 12 hours.

This week we are in the process of doing my medical check ups to make sure that cancer is still not overpowering my feeble body. Blood work was done yesterday with incompetent young women who were more interested in their conversation than making sure they poked me correctly to get the blood they needed. I walked out with a bruised arm that was VERY sore all night long. We wait now. Tuesday we will be meeting with another doctor who I feel isn't taking my situation seriously, to go over the anticipated results of my tests. A common fear with each check up is that the cancer has returned and with recent pains and concerns with changes, this fear is magnified. Please keep a prayer in your heart that these doctors looking over my results will see any imperfections and malfunctions that may even give the slightest hint to a return situation. If we catch it now, the results look brighter than if it goes unnoticed.

Thanks for all the love and support with this and updates will be posted next week. Please check back then for the answers.